my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just had sex bonerless
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
