you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize