Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
