remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
