wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, beer. Big fan.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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