i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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