do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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