So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
