Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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