Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
