At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
