She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
