i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
