we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
