that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
