If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
