Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
