I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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