I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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