I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
