Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
