Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
