It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
