She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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