Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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