i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
