I think I am morally bankrupt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
