I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
