I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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