i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
