so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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