this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
