He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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