FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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