Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
