Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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