So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
