That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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