How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
