her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
