Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
