I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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