You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What a dumb baby whore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize