Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
