he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
