her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
