Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize