You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
