i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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