I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
