If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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