Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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