yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
