4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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