did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
