Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
