I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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