I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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