i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
