it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
