im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
