I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
