Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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