She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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