can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
