My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
