I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
