If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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