Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
