the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
