Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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